A Delicate Dance

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends about relationships. She said that she thought it was easier to stay in a relationship, even it isn't working well than to be alone. She also said that her acupuncturist laughed at this saying, "Its much easier to stay alone than to try and work in a relationship." I remained noncommittal.

Since then, I have thought about that several times. We, as humans, tend to want to be near other humans. There are the cases of hermits who prefer complete solitude, but, for the most part, we tend to want and need human contact. How much better is it to share experiences, tell stories, describe our hopes and dreams, when we have someone else to engage with.

I also know, as I have grown as a person that I need times of alone-ness: times to reflect, to sit, to listen, to be. Some of the most glorious moments in my life have been on quiet mornings spent alone camping by a lake listening to the longing call of loons or while gardening quietly by myself tending to the peaceful cares of the plant world. As much as I love to spend time with my wife and family, I need those times spent by myself.

The word that keeps popping into my head as I cipher which is more important is balance. In relationships there are agreements that we have made either implicitly or explicitly. One of these, of course, is to spend time together. To support and help one another. To love. In a healthy relationship there is always an agreement to allow for space. To allow for each others growth. In unhealthy relationships, one person's needs and wants are put before the want's and needs of the other. There is an imbalance.

In most cases, it takes work to find the correct balance of alone-ness and togetherness. It is a delicate dance of give and take. Of us and me. I am so thankful to be in a relationship where we understand the need for separateness from time to time. I think it makes the times of togetherness even more special. So, at the risk of still sounding non-committal, I will not say whether being alone is easier or whether its staying in a relationship. I believe that the key is in finding the appropriate balance in our lives, whether or not that includes a romantic relationship.